went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
