I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I have post one night stand depression
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
