she told me i tasted like america
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
