Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
