He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
