Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
