a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
