i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
When are your genitals available?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
