remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
