she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
