I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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