I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
