I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
