one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
