Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
