we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Too much gin, very little bucket
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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