Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
how drunk are you?
Several
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
