There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
