K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
