So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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