dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
