its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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