haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
