bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
