I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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