just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
