You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
