this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
