My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
God, you're like boner-b-gone
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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