My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
