Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
