Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sorry about my life...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
