i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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