Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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