On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
