Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
