Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
