**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
