Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
