He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I wear drunk well.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
