Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
