thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
