I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Send help, water and tortillas.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
