We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
