I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
