im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
me + whiskey = a bad person
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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