have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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