You just made me feel so damn special
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
