I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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