I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
