I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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