I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
