Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
