Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just high enough for therapy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Drunk is not a location!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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