I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
