He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Success! We fucked roommates!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
