i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
