I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
