I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
